In which I am totally judge-y...

I saw these shirts at Old Navy the other day, while trying to find coats for Little Boy and Little Girl.
Of course, in New England, in January, there are no coats available.
Bathing suits, yes.
Flip flops, sure.
But coats? Not a chance.
That is a tale for another time, however, because what I really noticed were the two shirts (pictured above)...

I'm going to be totally judge-y here, because I can't imagine why anyone would buy these shirts for their kids.

Both of them reinforce the same message - you need to look good.
If you look good - you have a bright future. You'll get "picked up".
(Don't even get me started on the inappropriateness of little kids talking about 'picking people up'!)

I hate it when people tell my kids that they are cute, or beautiful. I actually heard someone tell my four-year-old "You're too pretty to be upset". REALLY?! Attractive people aren't entitled to feel anything negative? Clearly not a message that's trickled down to reality TV participants.

Check out Peggy Orenstein's comments on how the emphasis in little girls' (and boys') lives on their looks leads them to think that how they look is who they are
Her own website

So - why do I think that it is more than just a tee shirt?

I don't want my kids to go around looking a mess or odd. I enjoy buying clothes for them - and Big Girl enjoys putting outfits together. So, I have to be careful what I buy, because I don't always get much say in what is chosen. When I buy clothes, I buy ones that will let my kids look neat, let them play and wash well, and that are age appropriate.

No little girl needs low cut skinny jeans, or a tee shirt that tells her life will be easy if she's pretty - but it seems more and more that clothes "like that" - I've heard them called "prostitot" clothes - are what's readily available.
Sure, there are great companies like Polarn O Pyret that have clothes for kids - not just girls and boys, but kids in general, but they tend (in my experience) to be expensive and hard to find.

These tee shirts are a message to kids and to other people that it is OK - expected, even - to judge people by their looks.
Not to go any further that what you see on the surface.

And where does that leave the (ahem) slightly odd, fairly unfashionable, but really interesting kid?
If this attitude had been as prevalent in my school days as is it now, I'd have had a really tough time. (If you didn't know me then, I regularly went to school dressed as Laura Ingalls. Bonnet and all.)

Telling kids, long before they are capable of forming opinions to the contrary, that looks are what matter teaches them to judge themselves and others on how they look - not on "the content of their character", but on accidents of genetics and good fortune.

I'm trying to teach my children that their actions add up to make them who they are.

What they do, they become.

And messages like this don't help.

So, these tee shirts are more than unsavory.
They are bad.
Bad for the kids who wear them, bad for the kids who see them, bad for anyone who believes them.
Strong words - big feelings - important stuff.

Is that too strong? I warned you I was going to be judge-y....