Too Much Shopping...

I don't want this blog to only be about clothes - not least because I don't want to give the impression that I spend all my time shopping (even if it feels like that some days...)! But, it seems that every time I do have to go shopping, I run across some item of clothing that I find reason to object to.

I was at Target today.

I spend a lot of time there - it is one-stop-shopping for me, an important feature because I am either
a) out with three children under the age of five or
b) due home soon!

I remembered today the first time I saw children's items that really made me mad. I was at Target that day, too.

They were heels for children of 18 months. I know they'd fit an 18 month old because I had one at the time.

And I can't imagine, in any circumstance, feeling that heels would be appropriate footwear for her. It made me so angry, I sent a picture and a rant to my friends about it. At the time, I wondered if maybe I should start boycotting Target, but I knew that I'd be punishing myself more than Target by doing that. So, I contented myself with complaining to my friends about it.

Maybe I need to complain to some more people, because today, this is what I saw...


I've always seen this whole sexualization of childhood thing as two sides of the same coin.

Girls, of course, are painted as passive princesses. We've all seen the mini bikinis for 2 year olds, the low slung jeans for 4 year olds, the padded bras for 8 year olds. We've tsktsked over Dance Moms (seriously, though, wouldn't you have got up and said - "Whoa! There's a line and you've crossed it... c'mon kiddo, we're outta here!"? Of course you would have!) and Toddlers and Tiaras? ('nuf said)...

But, have we said enough about boys? Are boys being painted into a corner?

If girls must be passive, then boys have to be the opposite, right? And sometimes that's just 'active' - all kids are active. No problem there (except that girls are being left out, of course, but we're covering that...)

But sometimes, it's more than "just active" - sometimes it's aggressive. Predatory, even. Boys are being shown at younger and younger ages what is expected of them. And, it's not good.

A quiz - about rape.

Is it a straight line from the tee shirt to a rape quiz? No, of course not. But, the tee shirt contributes a culture that makes frat boys think that a rape quiz is acceptable. There are lots of steps along the way, and parents with boys older than my little guy know it. The recent remarks by rapper Too Short are an example. I'm not providing a link here, because I found them so offensive... you can Google it, if you need to.

There is an emphasis on toughness and all that encompasses. But, being tough cuts you out from so much. If you are "tough" what does that exclude you from? Musical expression? Tenderness towards others? Generosity of spirit on the sporting field? The sentiments expressed on this tee shirt exclude boys from big, important parts of life.

And, no, before anyone says it... I wouldn't buy it.
But that doesn't solve the problem.
I live, my husband lives, our children live, in a society that feels that the sentiment expressed on this tee shirt is OK. It's a joke.

But, it's more than a joke.

It's a choice. A choice to tacitly accept a life where our daughters are preyed on and our sons are the predators.

No. My children are more than that. And so are yours.

How did I get myself into this?

I've been meaning to set down my reasons (I'm starting to sound like Jane Austen's Mr. Collins, now) for starting this blog, for espousing the opinions I set out in it, and for why I think that the things I write about are 'more than' what they seem at first glance.

Before my kids were born, I didn't think too much about media and its influence on children. I noticed that the children I taught who didn't watch tv seemed more creative, more old fashioned. I thought that some of the heavy tv watchers were old before their time. I didn't like some of the "books" available to them - Captain Underpants really bugged me, as did the Goosebumps series. But, I didn't think it was a really big deal.

And then.

And then, I was having a child. A long awaited, much wished for child. In the nine months I waited for her, I read everything I could about little children. I bought child rearing guides as talismans ... if they were in the house, it would be enough. She would nurse, she would sleep, we would be in perfect, organic harmony. Well.

If you have kids, you've likely been there - the problem with baby books is that the babies haven't read them. Where do they get off having their own opinions so gosh-darned early?! Some of my ideals stayed polished and gleaming - nothing to do with me, likely! Others fell by the wayside.

One thing that stuck was the horror I had of all the pink. I didn't know if we were having a daughter or son, so I bought "gender neutral" clothes to start out with. On my first trip to the baby store, I couldn't believe how segregated it all was - blue and pink and nothing in between, at least, not once you were out of the newborn section.

And then my daughter was old enough for some other clothes and I discovered that there are low cut jeans for toddlers, 'high heels' for babies and real high heels for toddlers (toddlers!! They toddle! Why make it harder on them than it already is?). And before long, I'd discovered the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood. .

They cover a range of topics - the attempts the media makes to suck children in, the sexualization of childhood, the lack of imaginative play. They have successfully campaigned against huge adversaries - Disney, for example. They've weathered big storms.

In April 2010, I went to their conference. It was my first time away from Big Girl over night. I sat in coffee shops, read books, went to the bathroom BY. MY. SELF. Oh, yeas, and I participated in some fantastic, inspiring lectures and workshops.

I saw that I was not the only one who thought that there was too much media aimed at little, little children and I began to understand why. I met other mothers who didn't think it was OK for their 5 year old daughters to dress in outfits they wouldn't let a 15 year old daughter out of the house in! I read - I bought books by all sorts of authors - many of them presenters at the conference.

So, I was very excited to see that CCFC has another conference coming up, next September. I really hope I can make it!

Because being a parent is more than just having a child - it is joining a community.
Finding other people who think that, OK, maybe you are a little crazy, but you are the nice kind of crazy. Like them.
So, I hope you can make it, too. We can be crazy together.